get out of this god aweful town with it’s god aweful people.
seemingly, i have turned a little hostile following these really shitty events.
happy fucking Australia, mayte.
Sometimes I wonder if everything is worth it. Sometimes I wonder if day by day I’m waisting my youth. But the real downer is when I sit back and think about how I can’t be bothered trying to rekindle friendships. The ones that have meant the most over the last year or two. In the last two weeks I have felt more betrayed and worthless then I ever seem to recall. In my darkest hour, the ones I relied on turned their backs.
So screw it. I’ll light up my world on my own. I knew there was a reason I never relied on people. And it’s the kick in the guts when all you wanted was a shoulder to realize that you’re on your own in this. Whatever life is.
I sometimes wish I had the guts to just get up and runway to another state. But then I figured I’ve got more courage and fight to stay here and make something for myself. Get out of a minimum wage job, get a job to support myself and still have more than enough to help my parents out.
I bet whoever reads this will think I’m a dick for even saying this. But kerser is a God send. Who knows what he’s really like. If he really doesn’t give a fuck? But, fortunately that his LP is the only cd I like playing in my car, his music has stuck in my head. And thanks heaps mate, you’ve made me think. And I think from around about 2 weeks a go, I stopped giving a fuck. And I’m alright with that. I stopped caring about things outside of my family. (close friends included in the family) But even then, there’s only one or two of them. My little life will be what I make of it. And I will make it great. And no one will stop me.
so i say “i wonder if i’ll get along with people on saturday night.”
and then my mate says “of course you’re going to. it’s my party.”
when i say i hope i get a long with people i just mean i hope i can talk to people i don’t know so i don’t end up sitting in the corner. Why do people just assume i mean i want to fight people? There is only one person in this whole world that i would like to drop like a sack of shit. But even if she was there, i wouldn’t do anything to ruin someone’s birthday. I’m insulted by the little faith people seem to have in me.
talking about family, friends, memories and everything in between.
i couldn’t really ask for a better night. Talking about going to Melbourne in two weeks for my uncle’s 50th.
i’ve probably nearly cried maybe 4 times, but it’s strange.. because my parents get it. they get everything i’ve said. my parents are my best friends. that’s the end of it.
i can’t wait to go to Maryborough. i can’t wait to see Kayt and Tristan and Josh.
I can’t wait to go swimming at Hervey Bay. I just can’t wait for something different. something to get me out of this. Something to make me happy.
I just need somthing to make me happy.